Friday, January 30, 2009

Booking New Business

I’ve written many bank statement stuffers in my time, but you won’t find many in my portfolio.

Why? Well, they’re generally pretty boring, which is why I was somewhat jealous to see an excellent statement stuffer from my own bank, Bank of Marin.

When I opened my last Bank of Marin statement, I saw this (click to enlarge):

And here’s the back of the statement stuffer (click to enlarge):

This certainly caught my eye. It doesn’t look like most statement stuffers and the headline is intriguing. One wonders, “Who the heck is Elaine?”

It turns out that this particular Elaine is Elaine Petrocelli. If you’re not from around these parts, she owns Book Passage, which is probably known across the country as one of the most successful independent book sellers.

That’s quite an accomplishment when you consider how quickly independent book stores have evaporated from the retail landscape, replaced by chains such as Border’s and Barnes and Noble and, of course, by online stores such as Amazon.

Book Passage enjoys an excellent reputation because they’re always hosting events with well-known authors, even including former presidents. Book Passage is the place to be in the Bay Area if you’re an author on tour promoting a book.

You might even say that Elaine Petrocelli is a minor celebrity in Marin County, especially among book enthusiasts. She’s always being quoted by the local press and takes part in radio talk shows about books.

The only trouble is, while I’ve certainly heard of Elaine, I really had no idea what she looked like, which brings me to my first suggestion.

Suggestion #1: Incorporate the Book Passage logo

Elaine’s reputation is well deserved, of course, but she’s deeply linked to her store, Book Passage. I suspect that while most people would not recognize Elaine herself, almost anyone around here has heard of Book Passage.

That’s why I think this piece could be improved by either incorporating the Book Passage logo or using a photograph that incorporates the store far more effectively. Perhaps a shot of Elaine taken outside the store?

Yes, I realize that Elaine’s name and the name of the store are on the statement stuffer, but the immediate link to Book Passage isn’t instantly established. Framing the message by emphasizing Book Passage a bit more and Elaine a bit less would have helped a lot.

Suggestion #2: Strengthen the testimonial

This statement stuffer offers an implied testimonial by using Elaine’s name and picture. That’s okay, but a first-person testimonial delivers a far more powerful message.

Was Elaine paid for her endorsement? I’m not sure – and it doesn’t really matter. Either way, I’ll bet she could have been convinced to offer an endorsement in her own words. Given the good press she enjoys, I doubt she’d be too shy to do so.

Instead of the line that reads…

She’ll be happy to tell you that our personalized banking is pure poetry.

…a first-person in quotes would have a lot more impact.

“Personalized banking from Bank of Marin? It’s like pure poetry.”

Suggestion #3: Focus the offer

The offer on the back seems very weak. First, it’s way too complex. I get either $25 or $50 for a referral, but only the disclaimer clues me in on the difference.

Also, if I do refer someone to Bank of Marin, I’ll be entered to win a “gift basket.” What’s in it? Food? Soap? Beer? It could be something I might want, but who knows? That’s really not much of an incentive.

How about an offer tied into the concept? Say, a $250 gift certificate at Book Passage? That would offer another opportunity to use the Book Passage logo and really tie all the messaging together.

My three suggestions here don’t diminish a really great effort at turning a boring statement stuffer into something a lot more meaningful to a local audience.

Good job, Bank of Marin. I hope you booked a lot of new business.

Posted by Richard Bloch

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