Sunday, June 29, 2008

Fun With Semicolons

Kurt Vonnegut evidently didn’t have much respect for semicolons, pointing out that they serve no purpose and that “the only reason to use one is to show you’ve been to college.” And one of New York mayor Fiorello LaGuardia’s favorite put-downs for intellectual bureaucrats was to call them “semicolon boys.”

That’s probably because “semicolon boys” (and “semicolon girls,” of course) spend their days debating the delicate nuances of various sentence clauses, coordinating conjunctions, conjunctive adverbs, and other grammatical subtleties you’ve either never mastered or just plain forgot.

What I did learn long ago in English class is that using a semicolon is usually just more trouble than it’s worth.

If you construct a complex sentence that calls for a semicolon, you could easily screw up your grade; however, splitting up long sentences mitigates that risk.

(Note to former English teachers: As you can see, I just used a semicolon, but at this point I really don’t care about my grade.)

You can visit any number of web sites that cover the myriad uses of the mystical semicolon, but these uses tend to fall into two major categories – one I avoid and another that do I use from time to time.


The middleware of punctuation

As a writer, sometimes you want to connect clauses using a comma. At other times, you want to separate thoughts into two complete sentences using a period. Can’t decide? Well, you can venture into semicolon-land.

The semicolon offers a middleweight compromise. You can essentially replace words such as “and” or “but” with a semicolon, or use the semicolon just before conjunctive adverbs (e.g., however, nevertheless, meanwhile, etc.) that frame a relationship between two clauses.

Consider these examples:

I have never used semicolons, and I never will.

I have never used semicolons; I never will.

I have never used semicolons; furthermore, I never will.

All three are correct and communicate my distaste for semicolons, but I almost always favor the first approach. The second two just have that “semicolon boy” ring to them.

An essay on semicolons by Trevor Butterworth quotes Ben Yagoda, professor of English at the University of Delaware. He presents four samples sentences:

1. The book under review is utter hogwash; and that is why it is worth examining.

2. The book under review is utter hogwash, and that is why it is worth examining.

3. The book under review is utter hogwash; that is why it is worth examining.

4. The book under review is utter hogwash. That is why it is worth examining.

Yagoda says that deciding which of the four to choose is strictly a matter of sound, rhythm, and personal style:

“Writers who like (consciously or unconsciously) to stop and pause, and/or who are under the influence of Hemingway, choose 4. Those who like balanced rhythms might choose 3. Those aiming for a ‘transparent’ style might choose 2. And those who are a little bit enamored with the sound of their own voice might choose 1.”

Well Ben, I’m under Hemingway’s influence on this one. Ironically, Hemingway’s very life itself reflected his simpler approach to punctuation—at least to semicolon hater Kurt Vonnegut who said, “When Hemingway killed himself he put a period at the end of his life. Old age is more like a semicolon.”


The “super duper” comma

The other major use for semicolons is to position certain commas as more important than others. When you list a series of items that contain internal commas, you should use a semicolon to separate them. For example:

Semicolons are used most often by writers in Greenwich, Connecticut; Cambridge, Massachusetts; and Kennebunkport, Maine.

But there are other cases where you might want to promote a lowly comma into a more powerful semicolon to add clarity. For example:

After a client told me that my copywriting sucks, I drank two beers, three glasses of wine, and a gin and tonic; but when I sobered up, I realized that indeed, my copy was dry, dull, and uninspiring.

That semicolon before the “but” indicates that this punctuation mark is the “super duper” comma, more important than the other seven commas in the sentence. I still think the sentence is confusing, so I’d probably revise it:

After a client told me that my copywriting sucks, I drank two beers, three glasses of wine, and a gin and tonic. Then I sobered up and realized that indeed, my copy was dry, dull, and uninspiring.

I think Kurt Vonnegut would be pleased with my approach, but even Vonnegut would probabaly agree with a third, more modern use for the semicolon.

As humorist Matt Wixon notes, “to many readers, a semicolon means the rest of the smiley face is missing. ;-) ”

Posted by Richard Bloch

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