Sunday, February 05, 2006

The “I” Word

Every direct marketing copywriter is well acquainted with turning features into reader-oriented benefits. After all, the reasons to respond to your offer ring through more loudly and clearly when phrased in terms of “you.” In many letters I see, there’s too much focus on “I” and “we” – and way too little on “you.”

But presenting reader benefits doesn’t mean always avoiding the “I” word. Using a first-person voice in certain places can actually make your copy more powerful.

Letters provide a different perspective than communication vehicles such as brochures. A brochure is usually written in an “us to you” tone and voice. But a direct mail letter is signed by a specific person, which means it’s far more suited to the limited use of an “I to you” tone.

Now I don’t believe for one minute that people think a direct mail letter is really a personalized one-to-one communication. But because a letter is usually signed, it’s more effective when it seems as if that person is a real live human being.

You can do this by adding a dash of first-person copy. Don’t go overboard. Just insert enough to add some personality.

Some clients are uncomfortable with this. They seem to view the creation of a direct mail letter this way: You take a few hundred words of standard corporate “brochure speak,” insert a “Dear (Name)” on the top, slap a “Sincerely yours” on the bottom and – presto! – you’ve got yourself a letter.

Yes, you do have yourself a letter, but often it’s not a very good one. Or, at the very least, it could be much better.

Let’s look at an example. Pretend for a moment that we’re selling Alaska cruises or generating leads through direct mail. Perhaps a passage toward the middle of such a letter looks something like this:

“... And as you journey further north into the sanctuary of Glacier Bay, you’ll gather on deck to experience what wonder really means.

Beyond every bend lies a new surprise. You’ll explore acres of pristine wilderness, see eagles dive for fish hundreds of feet below, and hear the unmistakable singing of whales...”

The copy above definitely communicates benefits to the reader. But it could have been written by anyone – even by someone who’s never even been to Alaska.

Now let’s consider what that passage like that might look like in a letter that is signed by the ship’s captain and written to add some of his personality to it:

“...As we sail further north, more of my passengers gather on deck for a show they’ll not soon forget.

Beyond every bend lies a new wonder. It may be the sight of pristine wilderness, a glimpse of an eagle diving for fish below, or even the unmistakable singing of whales.

Indeed, I’ve been captain of this ship for twelve years, and Glacier Bay never stops surprising me...”

This copy adopts a first-person tone. It’s still benefit-oriented, but adds a lot more interest. It’s as if we’re actually getting to know the captain, experiencing what it’s like aboard his ship, and getting a clearer sense of the many wonders that await through his unique perspective.

Now let’s consider something a lot less romantic—an example from the B-to-B realm.

Let’s say we’re generating leads for CRM (customer relationship management) software. A letter might open like this:

“More IT executives than ever are reporting that their CRM software just isn’t scalable enough to support future growth. But there is a solution...”

Not that bad. If the reader is in fact evaluating CRM software, and we’re correct in our assumption that scalability is a major hot button for IT executives, then this is intriguing.

But perhaps it could open this way – signed by the software company’s chief technical officer:

“Lately, more IT executives than ever have been telling me that their CRM software just isn’t scalable enough to support future growth.

So I asked one of my engineers if there was a more efficient solution for adding users and remote offices. His answer was surprising...”

Here, the payoff isn’t just a solution – it’s an answer that may surprise you.

I’ll admit this isn’t exactly jaw-dropping copy. But it’s more interesting because you are a witness to this little drama that’s unfolding. It’s as if you’re somehow a fly on the wall as the engineer reveals his surprising answer to the question on scalability.

I want to stress again that your main goal for a direct mail letter must always be to build a reader’s interest and then encourage action by discussing their needs, not yours.

But don’t be afraid to sprinkle a little first-person voice into your direct mail letters. With the right touch, it can add enough personality, charm, and intrigue to turn a good letter into a great letter.

Posted by Richard Bloch

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